October 7th, 2004

Ensign_Katz

WMD Program Unearthed

According to self-proclaimed Messiah Moon-Yung Sun, Saddam Hussein was developing the materials to generate large quantities of poison gas designed to stop troops in their tracks. On a tour of one of Saddam's palaces in Baghdad, the reverend Sun requested to go down a winding passage unnoticed by American troops until that very moment. After passing through a series of twisty passages, all of which looked alike, they discovered . . . Saddam Hussein's Cat Farm.

Yes, Saddam Hussein was breeding large numbers of cats, which he maintained on an Atkins style diet in order to maximize the urea content of the Urine. The urine was collected and allowed to ferment in vats. According to weapons inspector Kay Davidson, the pungent distillate was intended to be mixed with chlorine bleach, which Hussein had cotracted to obtain through a French subsidiary of Proctological Gamble.

The only thing standing between Saddam Hussein and the deployment of this weapon was the question of how to mix these agents at the time of delivery and not before. He was actively investigating the potential application of aluminum centrifuge tubes as ampoules to keep the agents separate.

Although promised roses and chocolates, the marines that liberated the subterranean feline population were instead greeted with cat-yak and hairballs.
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