December 26th, 2012

Magical Wes Animated

Bill O’Reilly Arrested For Assaulting Department Store Santa

Fox News host Bill O'Reilly was arrested in New York today for assaulting a department store Santa Claus at Macy's.
According to local reports, the 63-year old conservative pundit was shopping at the venerated Manhattan landmark for a last-minute Christmas gift and became enraged when the on-site Santa wished him "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas".
Witnesses say that after a brief argument O'Reilly punched the Santa Claus in the face and wrestled him to the ground before a throng of onlookers. The two then traded blows for close to a minute before security guards broke the fight up.
The Santa Claus, a 47 year old man from Newark, NJ, is recovering at NYU Langone Medical Center from injuries sustained in the brawl and expected to undergo several surgeries tonight to repair nerve damage in his nose.
'Merry Christmas Motherfucker'
Sheila Johnson, a 33-year old computer programmer from Long Island, witnessed the entire ordeal and describes what she saw:
"The Santa was wishing everybody 'Happy Holidays' as they passed by. And most people were in a good mood, so they said 'Happy Holidays' back. But when he said it to O'Reilly, the dude went ballistic."
Johnson says that immediately upon hearing the phrase "Happy Holidays", O'Reilly dropped the package he was holding, turned to face the Santa, looked deep into his eyes and unleashed a verbal tsunami of anger.
"What the fuck did you just say to me? What the FUCK did you just say?" O'Reilly screamed, "Did you seriously think you could get away with insulting me - ME! - with your anti-christian, secular 'Happy Holidays' filth?"