August 1st, 2013

Showing Them Some Of That Christian Hospitality!



TWO vicious anonymous letters, written “in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, our savior”, have been received by a lesbian couple in Kingston, Ontario, ordering them to leave town or be used as target practice.

[We are a small but dedicated group of Kingston residents devoted to removing the scourge of homosexuality in our city.]We are a small but dedicated group of Kingston residents devoted to removing the scourge of homosexuality in our city. We know you and have been following you for the past several weeks and we wish for you to leave this city, before it is too late, for you. This will be the first of many reminders, each escalating to higher and higher levels of harassment and derailment. Since we have nothing personal against you, only against your sexuality, we suggest you move to more conductive climes like Vancouver, or preferably San Francisco.

Our base, head office in Deep South, has been energized by the recent US Supreme Court decisions legalizing same sex marriage. We feel that unless homosexuals reconvert to heterosexuality that life under this planet, under the umbrella of our Lord Jesus Christ, will become unbearable. Having observed you, we feel that you are committed lesbians unlikely to convert, hence this (first and only) gentle attempt to make you move.

If you do not, and take this letter to police, as we expect, we will know about this, since we have contacts in Kingston Police. Our efforts to relocate you will escalate. We wish to avoid this scenario. We are primarily non-violent, but use violence surgically to persuade people. We hope you understand without us painting to lurid a picture.

In the last several years we have relocated a few people like you from the Kingston area, through a set of incentives and effective persuasion. Please join their ranks ASAP. We will watch and wait, and then strike, at home and office, as need arises. These are not empty threats. MOVE, or else!

Thank you for your attention. We await effective action on your part, ASAP. You are not going to be safe at home, office or anywhere else if you ignore this message! However if you take this seriously, and make attempts to move, someone from our organization will contact you to make your relocation easier financially. If, additionally, you persuade another couple like yourselves to move, we will provide them financial assistance and yourselves a bonus for your help. We are a committed bunch and come hell of high water, we will move you out. Best under congenial circumstances, don’t you think?’

In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, our saviour.


And

As a followup, we had a group meeting yesterday on how best to deal with you. Some of our younger members want to have fun chasing “lesbos”. We have brought them BB guns and today they are doing target practice, so that they can hunt you down. It is regrettable that in Canada, real guns are hard to find, so BB it shall be. I can assure you BB pellets hurt!!

This is thrilling for the youngsters not so much to older members who would much rather see serious action rather than playing with BB guns. However youngsters also want to have their fun, and what better targets than you?

Take our previous letter seriously or fun and games will turn into deadly serious action.


(Down here in the Deep South, the BSes would be calling this a "Come to Jesus meeting".)