"Whether or not I was a good boy this year doesn’t really matter. Looking around,
the good guys are the rich guys and we get everything—we’re winners!" --Donnie
Trump's Letter to Santa
Whether or not I was a good boy this year doesn’t really matter. Looking around, the good guys are the rich guys and we get everything—we’re winners!
What I could use is a drop in interest rates. I’m refinancing some properties. I know the Fed just raised them, but that’s for everyone else, not me. While you’re in the parking lot, could you slash Ted Cruz’s tires? He slowed me down a bit. Send Ben Carson some flowers—I’m a nice guy as long as I’m president and I don’t feel that anyone else will make it to the finish line. Maybe you’ll separate Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito—they’re twins! Send a narco to Marco would’ya? Plant a little something on him. Not heroin but don’t those Hispanics chew cocoa leaves? That would be fine. I can tell he must have snuck in through Mexico–he’s a burrito eater and I think he could cause trouble. All these guys came from Mexico. Let’s plug up the hole once and for all.
Bring all our KKK members new bed sheets, since you never know who they've slept with.
Listen, I’m not a terrible guy so I want you to bring Carly Fiorina a nice spa package and throw in a couple of hours with a professional make-up artist to help her out a little. Then, book her on a cruise with the boys from the Sixth Fleet. She seems to know them all.
I understand that the hottest gifts are those Dodgebos electric balance skateboards that catch fire. Send one to each member of the senate. Send two to Christie—one for each foot.
I’m mighty feeling good Santa. Make sure you come through for me ‘cause I don’t like losers. You are just a socialist dressed up in red, giving away the farm to people who ask. Remember, I can fire you and replace you with Bernie Sanders.
Use overnight delivery–I hate waiting. I’ve enclosed a $20 for your trouble. I signed it so you may want to frame it and keep it as a memento from your great President.
What I Don't Want For Christmas : Subtlety, Diplomacy, Respect, Understanding, Compassion, Empathy, Sympathy, Knowledge, Transparency, Sensitivity, Humility, Humanity, Regret, Honesty, Truth, because Santa, you can't handle the Truth!